you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
