Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
