Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
In America we eat man semen.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
