so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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