yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
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You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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