I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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