just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
and you fell through a lawn chair
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
