He had one of those small greek statue penises
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
