We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
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the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
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Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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