he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
