Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
