I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
