My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
