Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
