Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
