Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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