did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
