y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
