I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
