She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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