Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
