I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
