chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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