You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
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You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
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I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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