So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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