he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize