Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
false alarm. still invincible.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
