I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
