Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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