he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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