Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
