I'm eating all of the evidence.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
