I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
