fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
