So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
