sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
