oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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