I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
