I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
