Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
