I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
