Everything about him screamed your future.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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