So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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