Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
