I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
