i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Someone came in the potted fern
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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