I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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