I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
