I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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