Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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