i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
