get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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