New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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