Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just high enough for therapy.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
