my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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