dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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