Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
