come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
