where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
