dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
