That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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