He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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