If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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