It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
