Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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