he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
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Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
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i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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