I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
