she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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