I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
