I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
These tits shall not be calmed
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
