Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
