Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
