and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
