Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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