She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
