well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
