I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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