I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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