dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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