how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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