No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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