I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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